we S T A R T E D at zero~ how did things CHANGE~?

[Shadowsoul]

Shadowstalker's gaze was infatuated with the ground. The blue, glowing orbs sight was clear as can be, but because of the tom's thoughts they blurred uncontrollably.
He had nobody. He was forced into this Clan by his father such a long time ago and he can't leave. Though despite how much he may hate everybody here, he simply couldn't dishonor the cats that took him in...

He began to think about the look on his mother's face before the car ran her over (He seemed to be the only one that thought of them as cars and not monsters around here). Shadowstalker gritted his teeth, pulling his lip up into a hurtful scowl, one that showed his pain and anger at the same time. His icy eyes were full of incoherent meaning, his tail wrapping tightly around his back legs. His head hung low, his neck seeming dead to the rest of his body.

The way her gaze turned full of fear, when she turned to him, her face telling him I love you one last time. She was crushed, being swept away from her mate and beloved son.
He called out to her, but she wouldn't open her eyes. No matter how much he nudged her like every morning to go out and play, she wouldn't wake up. It would forever haunt him.

Claws unsheathed, the insanity that he normally had was only sadness.
Mama... He called her his child-like way of addressing her. He shuddered in sheer pain, scared to look up ahead of him though he knew nothing was there. He did move up to the river though, his eyes rolling upward and gazing into the rushing water.
Such life, The black tom spoke internally. So carefree... Shadowstalker's eyes rolled back to the ground, horrid images of his mother's death refusing to leave him be.
I envy you.

[Ebony~Echo]

Ebonyfang lay on the soft grass by the river, her yes closed, her ears soaking up every hurr the river made. All she could think abou Jetstar. The night replayed over and over in her head. Jetstar, one who had such a way with words also had a way with his body. Such an angelic body he had. So thin, so swift. Yet, so... powerful. She wished it was that same night, and Jetstar was still embracing her in his arms. But the thought of kits let her mind drift a bit. She was excited. She was expecting kits, and things would be great. Jetstar would be more powerful than ever. Life was so great...

She was busy in her daydream. She looked over her shoulder and her hapiness crumbled. Shadowstalker was laying over father down the riverside. He looked sad, tired, and lonely. She didn't want her good mood to end, but she couldn't leave him like that. She stood up and walked over to him. "Need someone to talk to, Shadowstalker?" she meowed.

[Shadowsoul]

Being so caught up in his sorrows, he'd yet to notice that one of his fellow Clan mates had been there the whole time. He winced at the sound of a voice and slowly turned his head, his blue gaze slightly wide with fear. He just wasn't used to people coming up from nowhere and trying to talk to him like they'd known him his whole life. He got to his paws and took a few steps back, gulping visibly.
"I-I..." He started to talk, but his voice failed him. "E-Ebonyfang!" He nervously dipped his head taking another step back from the fear nipping at his fur and making his stomach flip flop.
What if he actually befriended her and she was to hurt him in the future? It seems that whoever Shadowstalker grew close to was torn away from him... So the male simply stopped making new friends.
"N-No... I'll b-be fine..." He stuttered awkwardly, whipping around and starting to walk away, shaking lightly at each step.
What the hell is wrong with you? Somebody just cared about you and you're walking away from open arms, though it's what you want! Shadowstalker scolded himself harshly, claws sheathing and unsheathing.
I'm scared... He finally admitted, closing his eyes and slowly walking towards the forest.

[Ebony~Echo]

Something was up with the tom. Ebonyfang followed him. "Shadowstalker, it's all right. I really don't know what's wrong, but if you talk about it, it helps," she meowed, pausing for a moment. "Though I'm not usually one for sappy stories, if you have things on you're mind, we will talk. Get some things off your chest. It's not good to keep bad memories to yourself you know," she continued, throwing Shadow a sideways glace while he took a whack at what was bothering him so much. He seemed way off in personality at the moment. Something was definately bothering him.

[Shadowsoul]

Shadowstalker suddenly saw that the she-cat was following him. He almost snapped at her when she told him to get whatever it was off of his chest, but he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anybody when he was down this far into the realm of darkness and sadness. It was screaming into his ears, burning the back of his eyes.
"When..." He turned slowly, his eyes refusing to move up and look at her. They seemed to glow in the darkness. He forced himself to sit down, gluing himself to the spot.
"It's a stupid reason." He snapped, suddenly turning soft, his body melting instead of showing his tough exterior. He was so used to being numb to the world that to show his feelings was literally killing him from the inside out.
"When I was a kit..." He curled one paw, unsheathing and sheathing his claws over and over again to try an ease some stress of actually telling this to somebody. "My mother got run over by a car - I mean a monster." He mumbled, looking down at the ground, infatuated with it once again. "She looked at me right before she died, as if trying to tell me she loved me before she went. No matter how much I nudged her she wouldn't wake up. My father never seemed to love me after that. He abandoned me here." He flattened his ears to his skull and was hunched over, making himself look smaller than he normally was. Shadostalker, for the first time in front of somebody, looked small, pathetic, in desperate need of somebody. He had always been so alone in MoonClan; he'd never considered actually talking to somebody.

[Ebony~Echo]

Ebonyfang listened to what Shadow said carefully. She could see why he was so upset. "That's not stupid, at all. I can't believe you've never told anyone. This is something to tell someone like a clanmate. I think it's quite sad actually. I was abandoned at birth basically. You were lucky to know your parents. And it's tragic how your mother died saving you. I think in reality, he still loved you, but part of him blamed you for her death. He felt that it was easier to channel his pain with someone he could blame. So he blamed you and obviously felt you should suffer. And I can assure you that he is dead at this present time. A cat with that many emotions ould never forgive himself." she meowed.

[Shadowsoul]

Shadowstalker looked at the she-cat.
"You could be wrong, you could be right. What you say won't affect the past." He mumbled, shuddering at how his own voice sounded. He'd never heard himself talk to... Darkly. So dully, so...meaningless.
He suddenly got to his paws, his claws digging up some dirt. "I'm taking a walk. Feel free to come along if you wish." He stated, beginning to trot off into the pine forests of MoonClan.
Is she coming? In a way, he wanted her to. He kept telling himself that he didn't really care but deep down in the depths of his darkness-covered heart was a core. And in that core was pure love for his friends and for the cats around him. Pure determination and loyalty. The cat that he longed to be.
A cat like what he remembers of his father.
The way that his dad would fight off all of the roughs that would challenge them for their small, piece of land. It was valuable from the stream that they had claimed. His father had chased off many cats, fought many battles, but would still come home every night with a smile on his face, though he might have a agonizing wound or two.

Shadowstalker, at that age, had vowed to be just like this father. Was it so wrong to still want to be?

[/center]

[Ebony~Echo]

"Of course I'm coing," Ebonyfan meowed, getting toer feet and following the troubled tom. Sadowstalker needed to open up to someone. He needed to understand that what happened back then was not his fault and that though it was an important, tradgic moment, he needed to let go of it. She hook her head and followed Shadow. "It really doesnt matter anymore, Shadow. You may deny that, but you need to let go, you keep refusing to and are hanging on to just that memry. Let go of them. This is your life now. Don't even think of your past life. Think of your clan life. Your leader, your deputy, your supporting clanmates."

[brishen]

Inkclaw padded along the deep forest trails, her one white paw collecting dust quickly. She suddenly bumped into the two walking cats. Her pupils narrowed to slits, "Sorry..." she murmured. She side-stepped the cats and continued walking to the River. The practicly walked into it, but stopped when her toes touched the water. She recoiled and sat down, thinking. Seeing Shadowstalker made her think... he was handsome, yes... but he was always so quiet. Inkclaw liked that about some toms, they we're good at listening... or they're just depressed. Inkclaw had a strong urge to go up and comfort him, but instead she lashed her tail. She layed down, her paws resting on the edge of the bank, flexing her claws into the swirling water...[/i]